


The Bachelorette  Party

by Pokypup49



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Al isn't bothered, Bridal Shower, Ed is traumatized, F/M, ed discovers dildos, okay... a lot of penises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 20:12:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17372522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokypup49/pseuds/Pokypup49
Summary: The ladies through Winry a bachelorette party. When Ed comes home, he finds out what they do at bachelorette parties upon his return. Basic comedy.





	The Bachelorette  Party

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rando29](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rando29/gifts).



> I don't own any of the Fullmetal characters.   
> Thank you Rando29 for the prompt. I hope it lives up to your expectations.

Their wedding day was close, and with the wedding’s arrival came certain events. Edward’s bachelor party was scheduled for the night before as tradition encouraged. He wasn’t worried since his brother was hosting it. And they were only scheduled to go out late to the bar… or so Al claimed. Winry’s bachelorette party was scheduled for only a few days before. It was that day. And Ed felt rather put out while Winry and Paninya pushed him and Alphonse out the door.

                “I don’t care what you do, just go away for a few hours.”

                “That’s not fair,” Ed argued. “We can just go upstairs.”

                “No.”

                “They are going to order a stripper,” Al concluded.

                “What!?”

                “No,” Winry glared at her future brother in law. “We’re not going to do that. We are having a women’s party, and it’s simply no boys allowed.”

                Ed and Al looked at each other, standing on the porch under the summer’s sun. Ed crossed his arms and spoke first. “Sounds like elementary school.” He raised an eyebrow at his fiancé. “Maybe we will start our own club and no girls will be allowed.”

                Den pushed through the ladies’ legs and stood in front of them, face Al and Ed, wagging his tail.

                In all honesty, he was being horribly sarcastic. And honestly, everyone knew.

                “But,” Al raised a finger. “That’s what Friday is…”

                “Shut up,” Ed growled. “You’re supposed to be on my team here!”

                His brother just smiled, pulling on his shoulder. “Come on brother. I’m sure we can find something to do.”

                “Go on, Den,” Winry encouraged as she pushed him out the door.

                The dog seemed confused for a second before Al called to him and he followed behind them at a leisurely pace.

                Garfiel waved at their backs from behind the two girls. “Well,” he giggled. “What’s first?”

                The three entered the big living room with was decorated lively. There were streamers from one end to the next, layered with red, grey, and blue. There were balloons that Paninya and Mei had been blowing up all day. Riza Hawkeye had made it, per a special request of Winry. Although they didn’t have that many interactions as Riza did with Edward, the two had a special friendship. And… Roy was going to Ed’s bachelor party despite his protests, so it was only genuine to invite Riza. She had a bottle of wine and was pouring glasses. Mr. Garfeil was coming in with cupcakes, putting them on the table. “Boys are gone,” he announced. “It’s time to party!”

                Winry was about shoved into a chair that was more elegantly decorated, like a throne. Balloon hovered over it, with lace, decorations, and glitter, all over it. She laughed, letting herself be a little spoiled. Paninya handed her a glass of wine as she announced the rules of the day. “We are going to drink to every time penis is said,” she giggled. The room followed. “We are going to drink every time Winry blushes!” Winry blushed then and laughing continued. “And we are going to drink if we think Edward would like ‘that.’”

                The women in the room cheered loudly as they raised their glasses. “A toast to the queen of the evening,” Paninya announced. Glasses were raised and elegantly tipped back in a drink.

                “Now,” Garfiel said as he pulled forward the cupcakes. “We must now if Edward would like these.” He passed them around to everyone, making sure everyone got one before Winry. She watched with concern as a few of them laughed. She took special notice to Riza’s slight chuckled, and Mei’s blush. Lastly, it came to her. They were chocolate little cupcakes, white frosting, with little penis shaped sprinkles on them.

                “Are those penisis?’ Winry gasped with a blush.

                “Drink!” Paninya raised the glass.

                “And a blush,” someone added.

                “Two drinks!”

                Winry looked at her former boss. “This is going to be a quick day isn’t it?”

                He laughed taking a drink of his wine. “On the contrary, Win.”

                Winry took two small drinks of her wine before biting into the cupcakes. They were chocolate by every nature, but denser than imagined. It was very good. The surprise came when they were frosting filled.

                The congregation of women looked on as Winry nodded. “Oh,” she nodded. “These are especially good!”

                “Penises and all?” Garfiel asked, a gleam in his eyes.

                The bride forced a blush to hide. “Well, yes.”

                “And…”

                She looked on, clueless.

                Riza chuckled lightly. “Would Ed like them?”

                Winry instantly rolled her eyes. She was already aware of the drinking game rules but relented. It was early in the party. “Yes, Ed would like these… minus the little penises.”

                They raised their glasses again to take a drink.

                “Riza, Darling,” Garfiel called. “Will you grab another bottle?

                “My turn!” Mei stood up, pulling up some papers. “Alphonse cornered Edward,” she said as she gave a piece of paper and a pencil to Winry. The paper had 10 questions on them. “Al asked him these questions about Winry, and Al wrote the answers. Let’s see what Ed says about his future wife.” She then waved an envelope. “The answers are hidden in here. Win is going to answer these questions, and we are going to find out how Ed feels about his bride to be.”

                The ladies stood up and refilled their wine classes and grabbed another cupcake while Winry wrote down the answers. Paninya looked up at Winry and saw her blushing. “Drink!” she called and they laughed as they tipped their glasses back again.

                “Question 1,” Mei called out. “What physical characteristic does Ed love most about Winry?”

                “I think he likes her blue eyes,” Garfiel announced.

                “Wait,” Mei asked suddenly. “Do we drink on this? It is something that Ed would like.”

                They all looked around.

                “Oh,” Winry began to argue. “For the sake of this party, let’s not.”

                They giggled. “We drink!” Paninya declared. “What do you think he likes about you?”

                Winry gulped and looked at her answer. “My… lips?”

                They giggled in unison as Mei opened the envelope and looked at the answer. “Her boobs!”

                Winry blushed, resulting in another drink. “It’s going to be that kind of game,” she muttered. “I don’t think these answers he wants to be shared.”

                Winry had little luck keeping up with the questions. She laughed and blushed as she realized how Ed felt about her, even in some intimate ways. Honestly, she wondered how Al ever got him to say these things. Still, out of the few questions.

                “Come on,” Riza snickered. “You better pick up your game.”

                “Oh, your turn is coming.” Winry returned quickly.

                Everyone snickered as Riza blushed, and then tried to hide it.

                “Who initiated the first kiss?”

                Winry looked down at her answer. “I did,” she sighed.

                “Storytime,” Mei called out. “Come on, let's hear about it!”

                Winry held down a blush, but it didn’t work. It started another round of drinks. This wasn’t even fair She was starting to blush because she was so drunk! “I was tuning his leg, and he said that he missed me. I told him I was happy to have him home again, and I hoped he stayed longer than a few days this time. He…” She blushed redder, putting her hands over her face in embarrassment. “He said that he had no plans to leave me anymore, so I jumped on him… And kissed him.”

                “Awww,” a couple of them replied.

                Mei looked at the answers. “He said he did.”

                “Liar,” Winry accused. “He was such a sissy! He froze and started waving his arms!”

                Riza and Paninya laughed while Garfiel nodded like he thought that was right on.

                “Okay,” Mei interrupted. “Where do you two go when you want to be alone? Remember, Ed is answering.” Mei laughed.

                “I’m not going to give that up!”

                Mei looked at the answer. “You got to say something.”

                “I don’t think that Ed would tell Al that.”

                Mei lifted an eyebrow in suspicion.

                They all watched Winry. “She just doesn’t want anyone to go there and watch,” Garfiel joked.

                “Yeah!” Winry quickly agreed.

                “Fine. When going to bed, What piece of clothing does Winry take off first?"

**********************

                Ed and Al did what they enjoyed best. They make their way to the local pond where they found a grassy knoll and laid down in the sun. There were a few kids fishing and they could see some sheep grazing on the other side of the pond. It wasn’t a bad day to be kicked out of the house.

                “I’m surprised that General Mustang did not come with Captain Hawkeye,” Alphonse said with a yawn. “Is that weird to you?”

                Ed waved his hand as his brother’s comment. “Meh.” Then, after a second or two he sat up. “Wait, that is weird.” The piece of grass which he was chewing on fell from his mouth.

                “Yeah,” Al nodded. “They are never apart.”

                Edward felt a shiver run up his spine. “He’s somewhere nearby…” He patted Den who was leaning against him snoozing away. He wrapped his arm around his old friend and yawned, dropping his head back down to the cool grass.

                Alphonse laughed at his brother’s dramatic response to the idea of his former commanding officer nearby possibly lurking. It didn’t bother Al. He got along better with just about everyone. And everyone seemed to get along well with him. It was always Edward that caused friction in relationships. None of that really mattered though at this time. It was a joyous time, days before Ed and Winry’s union, and Ed found himself in the best mood of his life.

                After a few hours of wandering around and napping. The bothers started to wonder if it was safe to return home. They were hungry and they forgot their books to study. Al was eager to show his brother the findings that he and Mei were studying in Alkehestry. They’d been playing with for the past few days when Al and Mei arrived. And although Edward could not partake in it, he still found it fascinating.

                “They better have left food for us,” Ed grouched at they approached the house.

                “If not, we can just make a sandwich.” Alphonse patted Ed’s back.

                “But it’s not cake.”

                “No, brother, it’s not cake.”

                “What flavor do you think it is?”

                “I hope chocolate.”

                Ed opened the door slowly and called into the house. “Is it safe to come in?” Den barked as he ran past them.

                “Oh!” Garfiel peeked his head around the corner, looking joyous. “We were wondering if you were ever going to come back!” He petted Den’s head before Den decided to see everyone else in the house.

                “This is my home, why wouldn’t I come back?”

                “Technically,” Winry corrected as she walked into the doorway. “This is my home.”

                Ed waved his hand as a dismissal of her argument and opened the door all the way. “Please tell me there is food still available.” Ed rubbed his hungry stomach.

                “There is still food in the kitchen,” Garfiel pointed behind him. “The cupcakes are so dense! They are to die for! Winry said you’d like them!”

                Ed didn’t care. He just wanted food and pushed his way past Winry and Garfiel to the kitchen.

                “Where did everyone go,” Al looked around, noticing that the room was empty besides Garfiel and Winry. “Where’s Mei?”

                “Mei and Captain Hawkeye went to the train station. Mei is just walking her down. Paninya is in the other room. Al nodded and turned to go into the other room.

                There was a moment of silence as Winry poured some more wine into Garfiel’s glass and sat down. “Wait,” she sat up realizing something… Ed is in the kitchen?”

                Her former boss nodded. “He went after those divine cupcakes I made.”

                “What the hell?” The whole house rang from the kitchen.

                “Ahh!” Another cry of surprise echoed from the other room.

                There were two different responses from Winry and Garfiel. The muscular man giggled as he knew what was going on. The blonde jumped up and ran into the kitchen.

                “What the fuck are these?” Ed turned and shoved a cupcake forward to Winry. “There are little penises all over the cupcakes! Why? Why would you do this?”

                Garfiel’s laugh bellowed into the kitchen.

                “It’s part of the bridal shower,” Winry rubbed her face with her hands. “They are just sugar sprinkles, you can eat them.”

                “I can’t eat anything with dicks all over them!” Ed stuck his tongue out at the cupcakes.

                “Dear God,” Winry exclaimed as she wiped the frosting from the top of the cupcake, wiping the sugar decorations from the mini cake. “There! Now you can eat it.”

                “Brother!”

                Ed looked to the other doorway.

                “Don’t go … Are those dicks on the cupcakes!”

                Ed set the cupcake down on the counter as if it was a bomb about to go off. Then he wiped his hand on his pants. “Women are weird!”

                Paninya’s laugh crackled from the living room next door.

                “It’s not weird,” his fiancé began to argue but Al began to laugh.

“That’s not as scary as what Paniya is picking up in the other room.”

                The older brother felt his stomach tighten as he looked slowly back at his future wife. He pointed to the other room. “Do I even want to know.”

                “No.”

                “Yes.” Al grinned. “You defiantly do!”

                Winry reached out to stop him but Alphonse stepped forward, blocking her. He reached out and grabbed the cupcake, sticking it in his mouth. “Oh, it’s s- Ama-ing” he mumbled with the cake in his mouth. He reached for another one but stopped as he heard Paninya laughing and Ed shrieking. It was defiantly a shriek, high pitched and startled.

                Winry looked tiredly, rubbing her face hearing her future husband. Garfiel still laughing while Alphonse took another cupcake. Ed soon emerged with a large dildo, shaking it. It wiggled around, his mouth gaping. “What kind of freaking party…” He turned back to the laughing girl behind him. “Just keep laughing! I’ll wack you with one of these!” The laughing didn’t stop.

                “It’s fine.”

                “It’s not fine!” Ed blushed. “These aren’t even realistic!”

                Al snorted.

                “You better not be calling me short!”

Al busted up laughing.

“It’s not! What do you even do with this?”

                Paninya yelled out. “You didn’t even see the massage oil or sex wax that she got as a gift!”

                “You’re not making it any better,” Winry growled.

                Ed shook his head, still trying to wrap his head around what he was holding.

                “What really surprised me,” Garfiel said as he leaned in the doorway, “was Ms. Hawkeye’s advice. I would have never thought that.”

                Ed felt like fainting, his head was light, and his stomach moved into his throat.

                “I think you will have to see if Mr. Mustang agrees. But that is something that you and Winry will have to share tonight.”

                “This is not okay,” Ed cried out. He looked over at his brother. He was still eating the cupcakes, seeming unnerved by it all. “How can you be okay with this?”

                “Oh,” he shook his head, swallowing the mouthful of cake. “I’m not. Keep that thing away from me. But I’m not going to ask. I’m just going to walk away.”

                “It’s just a joke. It’s just what us women do,” Winry tried to explain.

                “You show off unrealistic dicks and what…”

                Garfiel reached out and took the dildo from Ed. “Practice…”

                “We did not!” Winry blushed. “Get out before you cripple his abilities to think properly!” She then bent down to Ed’s level against the wall. “Don’t think about it anymore…”

                “Are you ashamed of me?” He whispered, indicating his crotch.

                She quickly shook her head. “We were just having a fun time. Don’t think about it. Besides, I know what goes on at a bachelor party.”

                “Strippers,” Garfiel called. “Lots of them.”

                Ed dropped his head in his hands.

                “And rubber floppy penises are not porn?”

                “We weren’t doing anything with them,” she tried to calm him down.

                “Seriously,” Al encouraged, “You gotta try these cupcakes.” He waved one at Edward. “I’m surprised you aren’t freaking out over the picture on the wall.”

                “I pulled it down,” Paninya called.

                Ed looked at Al, then at Winry, then at Al again.

                “It was like… pin the penis on the man… or something like that.”

                “Okay,” Winry pointed up at Al. “You are not making this any better. Go away.”

                He grabbed two more cupcakes, snickered, and walked out of the room.

                Winry whacked his shoulder with the back of her hand. “Hey…” She smiled softly. “You’re really going to like what they got me.”

                “A whole chest of dicks?”

                She snickered. “You’ll have to wait till our honeymoon to find out.”

               

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Eh, I wasn't sure if it was going to come out as good as I wanted it. I didn't have as much time for editing, and if I didn't post it now, it'd go on the back burner and never get done. Haha. There's less description that is normally in my fics. But it was just comedy that my husband and I kept laughing about. I hope everyone still enjoys the humor. Thank you for reading!


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